


violent delights

by manya



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Pacific Rim AU, Past Sexual Abuse, Violence, do u reckon a pacific rim type apocalypse came up in andrew and renee's lil conversations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:47:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manya/pseuds/manya
Summary: when faced with the decision to die by his father's knife or staring down a kaiju in the cockpit of a jaeger, Neil finds it's not much of a decision after all





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> okaaaay so if you read the books then you know the various trigger warnings that apply to them; pretty much the same warnings apply here, so just be cautious! i'll put in an author's note if there's anything particularly bad to warn u about!

Theories on how the world was going to end had been around for as long as anyone could remember, ranging from zombie apocalypses to the sun exploding and swallowing the Earth to cataclysms of natural disasters.  
Fuck, even the zombie apocalypse theory was sensible when faced with the real culprit for the end of humanity - because who in their right mind would have predicted giant sea monsters bursting out of a rift deep in the Pacific ocean?

No one had expected these harbingers of death and destruction to be quite so... _colourful_ , either. Mostly they were dark skinned, but almost all of them seemed to have incredibly bright, glowing extremities _somewhere_ on their bodies (usually, it was their tongues. So at least the pretty lights stretching down the monsters' gullets were a nice distraction when you were about to be devoured). Their gross blood (if you could even call it that, since it was more like radioactive ammonia solution) was also a ridiculously neon colour. Their luminescence was beautiful, and made the kaiju all the more grotesque for it.

Religion and faith was a thing of the past at this stage. People had stopped praying for someone else to swoop in and save them from the death and depravity and destruction and had decided to stand up and fight back for themselves. It was around that time that the first Jaegers had been built.

Honestly, humanity would never cease to amaze Neil. He was still wondering who the fuck had decided that making huge-ass robots to fight back against the sea monsters was a perfectly logical solution. But then again, nothing seemed particularly logical anymore. Every nation in the world had pulled together, setting aside differences in order to pool their resources and technologies to develop the Jaeger programme. And at first, it had succeeded. The kaiju had been pushed back, and humanity had revelled in its strength and victory for the brief time they had been allowed. And it was certainly brief, because no one had expected the kaiju to hit back again - but hit back they had, until many of the jaegers were smoking heaps of scrap metal and bloody remains of their pilots. Then they had disappeared - well, in a sense. They were still out there, in the ocean. Occasionally they would show up on LOCCENT sensors and would get reported in the news, but always a smaller class one that was gone almost as soon as the radar had registered it. It was as if they were waiting for something. And yeah, okay, _maybe_ Neil was being paranoid. Damn, he hoped he was being paranoid - it was difficult not be after a life on the run. The last thing anyone wanted was for the kaiju to attack again, especially since they were only just beginning to recover from the fall of France.

The newspapers Neil used to sneak glances at while on the run with his mother would insist that things were different now, that the new Jaegers were bigger and stronger and that the pilots were better trained. That humanity stood a better chance now. His mother would clip his ears when she saw him looking at the news stories; they were a distraction, and distractions get people killed. She didn’t believe them, anyway. The Jaegers were bigger and stronger, she agreed, but a Jaeger was only as capable as its pilots. According to Mary, most of the Rangers graduating nowadays were kids just out of high school, recruited as cannon fodder. Worse than the kids, however, were the slackers and naive souls who figured that just because there hadn't been a kaiju attack in five years that they were in _peacetime_ , and totally safe. Fools, Neil’s mother would say in disgust. The kaiju would make a return, and when they did there would be nothing anyone could do about it. Neil wasn’t too worried, in any case; his father would probably kill him long before an oversized sea monster could get to him.

Over the years on the run, Neil only managed to get snippets of news about the kaiju situation; he was fifteen when it was announced that funding for the Jaeger Programme was to be reduced and relocated to the Coastal Wall Programme. Sixteen when a Category Three kaiju, considered average size but still significantly larger than any that had been seen in years, crashed through the coastal wall in Sydney and resulted in staggering losses. Seventeen when his father’s people caught up to him and his mother in California while they were distracted with the news of a kaiju approaching the coast. He had buried her on the beach, ignoring the screech of the kaiju sirens, before taking off again. Alone for the first time since he could remember, Neil ended up staying in the small town of Millport for a year, trying to blend in as a normal high school student.

He was eighteen when David Wymack found him sitting alone on the roof of the high school gym. Coach Hernandez was with him, eyes flitting nervously between Neil and Wymack. “Josten, this is David Wymack. He’d like to speak with you about post-graduation opportunities.”

Wymack. Neil knew the name, of course. The marshall of the Palmetto Foxes, the infamous team of Jaeger pilots that patrolled and protected the West Coast. Well-known for being a ragtag team of misfits and delinquents, they had generated a significant wave of protest due to their unconventionality. People didn’t feel safe with them protecting their waters, and honestly Neil could see why; they lacked cohesion, discipline, and respect. To be a ranger with the Foxes, a person had to be from a difficult background - it was Wymack’s only condition for recruitment, other than being able to pilot a Jaeger. Neil wasn’t a fool. He knew what kind of _post-graduation opportunities_ David Wymack was looking to offer. “I’m not interested.”

“Neil-” Hernandez began to protest, but was cut off by Wymack waving a hand and saying, “How about I talk and you listen, and then you can decide when I’m finished, huh?” When Neil remained silent, he apparently took that as permission to continue. “I’ve seen your test scores.”

Neil tensed despite himself, and his eyes flicked to Hernandez. “What test scores?”

Hernandez had the grace to look embarrassed. “Ah. Remember the drift simulations we ran for fun in P.E class a few weeks ago? Your results were good - significantly above average, and your stats were impressive. I sent them on to Marshall Wymack-”

Neil was on his feet before he had made the conscious decision to stand. “I said I’m not interested.” He began searching for an exit, but the two men were blocking the only door.

“Listen, kid,” Wymack began to step towards him, but stopped when Neil fell back a step in response. “It’s a good opportunity. I know my Foxes get bad press, but they’re good people. The most talented people I know. I think you’d fit in with them. Your coach is right; your stats _are_ impressive. I know potential when I see it.”

Hernandez opened his mouth and took a step forwards, and Neil panicked. The two men were large, but Neil was small and fast and darted around them before they had a chance to react. He slipped through the door and ran, struggling to control his breathing as he slipped around the equipment in the gym towards the exit. What Wymack was offering was a death sentence, and he’d be a fool to accept. If his mother knew that he’d even listened to the proposal, he’d have had hell to pay. The thoughts of his mother must have distracted him, because the blow to his stomach came out of nowhere. The air was crushed clean out of his lungs, and the force of the blow was enough to lift him off his feet and land him on his back.

Distantly, he could hear Wymack’s voice roaring _“Minyard!”_ as he gasped for breath, staring at the grey tiles on the ceiling. He was vaguely aware of Hernandez by his side as he struggled into a sitting position, saying things like _“Are you alright Josten? Jesus, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise this would happen-”_. Still clutching his stomach and breathing harshly, he pushed himself roughly to his feet and glared at his assailant.

He recognised this man, too. The smile was distinctive. Andrew Minyard was grinning despite Wymack’s yelling, his eyes intent on Neil. “Why are you so angry, Marshall? Look, he’s back on his feet! Fresh as a daisy, am I right?”

Neil just stared at him. Reading about Andrew Minyard’s drug induced euphoria was one thing, but seeing it was infinitely more disturbing. “Your negotiation techniques could do with a bit of work.” He told Wymack, voice noticeably strained. 

The marshall looked appropriately apologetic, but before he could say anything a new voice broke in. “You’ve never engaged in the Drifting process with another person, but your solo stats suggest it should be possible for you to engage in a neural handshake.”

Horror rose up in Neil’s throat, very nearly choking him. If Wymack and Minyard were here, there was only one person that could have joined them. Kevin Day didn’t go anywhere without his guard dog. Neil turned towards the voice slowly, as though he could prolong the inevitable. Kevin was sitting on a weight bench, browsing through what had to be Neil’s file. He looked exactly like he did in all the magazines and TV interviews; one of the most famous jaeger pilots in the world sitting calmly with his dark hair falling over his face, the tattooed number 2 standing out starkly under the fluorescent lighting of the gym. The only thing missing was the toothy smile he always showed to the presenters. Neil turned to Wymack. “Why is he here?”

“Kevin is the one that wanted to recruit you.” Wymack said cautiously, clearly able to sense the tension exuding from Neil. 

_No_. If Kevin recognised him, what would he do? Who would he tell? If word got back to his father’s people, he’d be done for. But if Kevin _had_ recognised him, he was a remarkable actor. There was no sign of recognition on his face, only barely concealed impatience as he watched Neil’s horror and uncertainty play out. “What do you want?” Neil directed to Kevin.

He scrunched up his face, clearly annoyed, “The Marshall just answered that. We want to recruit you. We want for you to come to Palmetto, to train and learn to pilot a Jaeger.”

_Him_ , a Jaeger pilot. The idea sent an illicit thrill through him, which he promptly pushed back. That was not the kind of future that he was allowed. There was too much publicity involved, never mind having to actually Drift with someone. A neural handshake involved having total trust in your partner; in an active neural handshake, the melded subconscious of the Jaeger pilots created a “Headspace" where two minds communicate. It involved sharing thoughts, memories, and feelings with your co-pilot. His secrets would be laid bare. Neil didn’t have the freedom to offer that much of himself up to another person. “I can’t.”

Wymack smiled, though there was little humour in it. “Trust me, I heard that from every one of my Foxes when I first tried to sign them. Guess what? Turns out they could.”

“There are thousands of people all over the country who would jump at the chance to pilot a Jaeger. Why don’t you go bother them?”

“We viewed their files. We chose you.”

Neil shook his head desperately, but he could feel his resolve slipping. He _wanted_ it. The simulations they had run in P.E were nothing more than games, meant to imitate the feeling of the Drift with a Jaeger without the co-pilot, but Neil had enjoyed it. Even now, he craved the feeling of it again; the freedom of the Drift, the feeling of being detached from the body with the sole focus on driving the machine. It was nice, to be distracted, to not think about his inevitable impending demise for once. “I’m not what you’re looking for.”

Wymack’s face softened considerably, before he looked at Kevin and Andrew. “Both of you, go wait in the car.” They slipped out without a word, and Wymack turned back to Neil. “Look, you don’t have to make any decisions right now. You got family at home you can talk to about this?” Neil hesitated,and Wymack seemed to take that as an answer. “Right. That’s okay. If you want, you can talk it through with Hernandez. But it’s a good offer, Josten. We want you at Palmetto.”

Neil just stared at him, eyes wide. They wanted him. For some unknown, wild reason, he was wanted as a Jaeger pilot. “I’ll think about it.” He managed to say. His mouth felt numb.

“Great,” Wymack nodded, visibly relieved. “Look, sorry about this whole thing. This didn’t exactly go as planned.” When Neil didn’t respond, he continued. “You graduate at the end of May, right? If you need to, you can come stay at the Palmetto Shatterdome. We’ll set up a room for you, get you settled before you start to train.”

“Right.” Neil said faintly. He hoped Wymack would just go soon; he needed to think.

Apparently sensing Neil’s need to be alone, Wymack nodded his goodbyes and began to leave. Hernandez shot Neil another apologetic look, before heading after him to show him out. The second the two of them were out the door, Neil’s stomach began to heave and he had to sprint to the bathroom. He barely made it in time before he was expelling the contents of his stomach into the toilet, moaning weakly as tears pricked at his eyes. It was a terrible idea. Really, really bad. Neil thought of what his mother would think if she was still alive and gasped as blind panic assailed him and his stomach heaved again. She would have been beyond furious, would have beaten him black and blue for even _considering_ this. And yet.

Neil was there, and Mary was not.

Ultimately, Neil didn’t have much time left between the ever-looming threat of his father hanging above his head and the imminent kaiju apocalypse. It seemed that the choice in front of him consisted of living the rest of his probably very short life on the run, or choosing which method of dying he would prefer; death by kaiju, or death by his father.

When put like that, it wasn’t much of a choice at all.


	2. 2

The Palmetto Shatterdome was an eyesore; the whole structure had been doused in white paint with orange highlights, and it stood out on the side of the coast like a gaudy mess. Its exposure to the elements meant that the white paint had discoloured slightly, and was peeling in many places to reveal the concrete foundations. Despite its less than appealing appearance, the sheer size of it made Neil’s breath catch in his throat. It was like a fortress; built to house Jaegers up to 300 feet tall and to withstand a kaiju attack, the walls towered so high that Neil felt dizzy when he tilted his head back to try and see the top.

He clutched at his duffel bag, pulling at the straps compulsively. The helicopter had dropped him off at the landing pad, and had swiftly taken off again - not many were willing to spend any more time than absolutely necessary around the Shatterdome, the one thing that stood between their civilisations and certain death, and the pilot had been anxious to get away again. Neil understood that fear, the base need to get away from danger that feels so urgent it’s bone deep, and yet there he stood. Standing at the base of the Shatterdome was tempting fate in more ways than one.

He wandered over to the edge of the landing pad, where the 50 foot drop between the Shatterdome and the raging ocean below was separated by nothing more than a thin rail, and peered over the edge. The sound of the waves made his lungs feel heavy and slow; the phantom smell of burning tickled his nose, and his ears rang with the memory of shrieking kaiju sirens. Panic, half-formed and sickly, rose up in his stomach and he turned away quickly, breathing hard and quick in an attempt to stave off his panic attack before it could hit him.

With his back to the rail and the sea below him, his eyes fell back on the Shatterdome and then lower, to the entrance. There was a man waving at him from just outside the door. Feeling foolish and hoping whoever it was hadn’t noticed his momentary loss of control, Neil waved back hesitantly as he made his way back across the landing pad and over to the door.

Once he was within a few metres the man bounded forward, beaming. “Hey! You must be Neil!” His teeth were an almost startling shade of white, contrasting with the darkness of his tanned skin. “I’m Nicky. Here, I’ll take your bag!”

“No.” Neil sidestepped his attempt to reach for the duffel, clutching it closer to his side. He knew who this was; Nicholas Hemmick, one of Palmetto’s K-Science officers and Andrew Minyard’s cousin. Information on them wasn’t too difficult to come by - Neil had spent the night after Marshall Wymack’s visit in a state of panic, and had anxiously researched every bit of information that had been made public on Palmetto’s Jaeger pilots. While Nicky wasn’t a pilot, his name and Andrew’s twins name popped up numerous times in relation to Andrew. It was speculated that the only reason Andrew had accepted a job as a Jaeger pilot in Palmetto was because Wymack was willing to hire Aaron and Nicky as K-science officers, allowing them to stay together.

Nicky seemed unperturbed, his smile still wide and bright. “No problem! I’ll get the rest of your bags then, to make it easier!”

“I just have this one.”

Nicky’s smile flickered for the first time, but it was only momentarily before it was almost blindingly bright again. “Packing light, huh? Smart! Right then, we should get going! The others are inside, I just volunteered to grab you once you’d arrived.”

“Others?” Neil asked cautiously as he followed Nicky inside the Shatterdome. It took a concentrated amount of effort to pay attention to the conversation and to not gape around like a total idiot. The inside of the Shatterdome had been painted an insanely bright shade of orange; coupled with the tangerine tiles, it was almost headache inducing. All along the walls were newspaper clippings and photographs of the Foxes in action. Someone was very proud of them.

“My cousins and Kev. They’re chilling in the recreation room, just up ahead.” Nicky explained, rounding a corner to reveal more orange walls, covered in posters of the Foxes and their Jaegers. Neil peered curiously at the closest poster, depicting the Foxes’ primary Jaeger team Danielle Wilds and Matthew Boyd and their Jaeger, Whiskey Thunder. Neil had seen interviews with them discussing their Jaeger as if it were their child, and he knew there was some kind of inside joke there.

Distracted as he was, it took him far too long to put together what Nicky’s words meant, and by then it was too late. Nicky shouldered through a door on the right, pulling Neil after him, and Neil stiffened as the door shut behind them and all the occupants in the room turned to look at him.

Kevin Day was the first person he saw, as though his eyes had been magnetically drawn to him. The glint of recognition was still absent from his eyes, which was perhaps the only reason that Neil’s legs remained locked in the position they had frozen in. He scrutinised Neil consideringly but said nothing, and Neil looked away quickly. 

The recreation room was a mess of comfortable looking couches and wide TV screens, with a large video game console beneath one and a shelf of board games along the far wall. One of the Minyard twins sat in front of the video game console but had twisted in his seat to peer over at Neil, looking only vaguely interested in what was happening. The other Minyard sat in a chair opposite Kevin, and was also eyeing Neil up with an expression of absent-minded disinterest. Both of them were blank-faced, the manic smile that Neil had been expecting conspicuously absent.

Nicky laughed, but the sound had a nervous edge to it. Neil had a feeling that Nicky had guessed exactly what he was thinking when he looked at the twins. “Well, this is the rec room!” he gestured expansively at the room, although Neil hadn’t spared his surroundings a second glance since his first once-over upon entering. Nicky’s tension was an almost palpable thing. Neil wondered if he always got this nervous when Andrew was off his meds, or if it was just because his very presence was an unknown variable in the group. Neil guessed it was probably a mixture. “You’ve met Andrew and Kevin before, I guess, but that’s Andrew’s brother Aaron.”

The twin closest to Kevin barely nodded. Neil squinted at him.

Kevin stood, commanding the attention of everyone in the room - almost everyone. Andrew looked back to his video game and Aaron began to inspect his fingers, seemingly out of spite. If the twins’ lack of attention bothered him, Kevin didn’t show it. His eyes were focused on Neil with a single-minded determination. “We’re going to the bay.”

“Wh- now?” Nicky complained immediately, “Kevin, he’s just arrived!”

“He’s only here for one reason.”

Apparently not bothered to argue further, Nicky rolled his eyes and gestured for Neil to follow Kevin. He did so reluctantly, not particularly pleased to be in such close contact with Kevin already; he had hoped he might be able to avoid him for just a little longer. The fear of being recognised was a heavy thing, sitting prominently in his mind. Luckily, Kevin barely spared him a glance before he was pushing through the door out of the rec room.

It seemed as though every corridor in the Palmetto Shatterdome was coated in the same disturbing shade of orange; it was somewhat disorientating, and Neil was seriously questioning the sanity of whoever designed the place. The Shatterdomes that were shown on TV were drab and cheerless places, effectively capturing the mood of the apocalypse. Palmetto, on the other hand, looked as though the Foxes had taken it as a personal mission to block out all sense of impending doom by drowning it in orange. Neil wasn’t sure if it was effective or not, although he was willing to admit that he had indeed been distracted by the gaudy paint long enough to effectively forget that the Shatterdome was sitting right out at the edge of the ocean, closer to kaiju territory than he had been since he buried his mother on the beach two years before. That thought made him uncomfortable, and he dug his nails into his palm as he followed Kevin down the bright corridors.

It was only when Kevin reached an enormous set of white-washed iron doors that Neil realised the twins had followed them from the rec room. A prickle of discomfort ran down his neck; he didn’t like the idea that they had been following behind him without him noticing. Nicky was behind them, still smiling but with an undertone of apprehension. Neil didn’t pay too much mind to it, but he also didn’t let his guard down. 

Kevin pushed the big door open with a grunt. Neil followed him through, and then promptly went still.

There was a big difference, he realised, in seeing Jaegers in grainy televised actions shots and in seeing Jaegers up close. All he could do for several moments was stare in silence as his brain struggled to comprehend the sheer size of the metal beasts he was looking at.

The Foxes had two Jaeger teams in active service, he knew from his research. Whiskey Thunder, piloted by Danielle Wilds and Matthew Boyd, stood large and foreboding at the forefront of the Jaeger Bay. It was painted white and orange, the Palmetto colours, but where the colour scheme on the building was gaudy and overbright, the paint on the Jaeger was battle-worn and looked… respectable, somehow.

Vixen Fury, Palmetto’s oldest Jaeger, stood to the left. Its colours were inverted, orange with white highlights, but like Whiskey Thunder the paint was worn by battle, time, and the sea. Both Jaegers wore their rust-stains like war medals - Neil supposed it was a feat for the Jaegers to have survived so long in active commission under a ragtag team like the Foxes.

A third Jaeger stood to the side, behind the first two. It was painted an even mix of orange and white, though the paint was clean and fresh. Neil found himself eyeing it intently; he hadn’t found any mention of a third Jaeger in his research, although he knew Palmetto must have one. Jaegers were a declining resource; the government was no longer funding the Jaeger programme, and so Shatterdomes around the world desperately hoarded the Jaegers that survived. Each Jaeger that was lost in battle was a blow to humanity, albeit a blow the government was set on ignoring. Jaeger pilots had subsequently dropped in quantity as well; if Marshall Wymack was so dead set on recruiting Neil, it meant that he was in possession of a Jaeger that could be piloted.

Someone, probably Nicky, coughed behind them and forcibly brought Neil back into the present. He blinked, awed and somewhat dazed, and looked around. Kevin was already looking at him, his stare hard and appraising. “Have you ever seen a Jaeger in real life?” he asked, leaning on the railing behind him.

Neil considered the question as he stepped up to the railing. The platform they stood on was raised almost 250 feet off the ground so that they could stand at the Jaeger’s chest height, and he peered down into the depths of the Jaeger Bay. He was so high up that the equipment and the engineers scurrying around the Jaeger’s feet looked like insignificant smudges against the ugly orange floor. The truth of the matter was that he had seen a Jaeger; just one, while on the run with his mother. They had been in Hong Kong while a decommissioned Jaeger was being flown above the city, its huge mass attached to and transported by five army aircraft. The people in the streets had cheered; adults waved handkerchiefs and bits of cloth out of respect and awe, and children tried to follow after the Jaeger, waving and wearing graphic t-shirts with illustrated depictions of Jaeger vs Kaiju fights on them. His mother had ushered him along, and slapped him hard when she believed he got distracted by the spectacle. “A long time ago.” Neil answered at last, and refused to elaborate.

“Bet you’ve never seen one up this close before though, huh?” Nicky had finally found the will to step around his silent cousins and bounce closer to Kevin and Neil. He pointed to Whiskey Thunder, and then to Vixen Fury, “That’s Dan and Matt’s, you’ve probably seen them on the news. And Vixen is being piloted by Seth and Allison right now.”

It was an effort to keep the surprise off of his face; he had just assumed that Kevin and Andrew were piloting Vixen. It made more sense for Palmetto to deploy one of the most renowned Jaeger pilots in the world, no matter how unstable his partner, than deploying two lesser known and most likely lesser skilled pilots. His confusion must have shown on his face, because Aaron laughed. It wasn’t a nice sound; it was a dangerous and thorny thing. “Surprised that the famous Kevin Day isn’t out there piloting a Jaeger single-handedly?”

Kevin shot him a poisonous look, but remained silent. Neil looked between them, curious. “I’m surprised he’s not part of a team in active service, yeah.”

“He needs a partner to be part of a team.” Andrew spoke up. He was leaning against the wall, looking bored out of his mind. “He can’t exactly pilot alone unless he wants the neural load to crush his mind.”

“It probably wouldn’t make much of a difference, huh, Kevin? There’s probably not much to crush.” Nicky said playfully, elbowing at Kevin’s stomach. Kevin slapped his arm away, scowling.

Neil was still looking at Andrew. He could feel his forehead crumpling into a frown; the twins seemed off. At first he had put it down to the fact that Andrew was off his meds, but it didn’t seem so simple now that he really paid attention. Andrew was eyeing the Jaegers and paying little to no attention to anyone else. Neil’s eyes wandered back over to Aaron, only to find that he was already being watched. Somehow, that was the confirmation for him - even when he was drugged up Andrew acted like an overly aggressive and ridiculously protective guard dog. It was difficult to believe that the man so carelessly gazing up at the Jaegers and ignoring everything else around him was the same man who had stared him down so intensely back in Millport. When Neil’s eyes travelled back around to view the man who had been introduced as his twin, however…

‘Aaron’ watched him closely, dark eyes cataloguing every slight movement he made. The intensity was familiar, with or without the forced high of the drugs. Though the deception left a bitter feeling in his stomach, Neil’s shoulders relaxed slightly having figured it out. “Do you do that often, then?” he asked, gesturing at the twins and their identical clothing.

They both tilted their heads to the side, almost simultaneously. It was a little off-putting, as it seemed spontaneous. Neil couldn’t help but wonder what their Drift compatibility was like. “Do what?” the one who had been introduced as Andrew asked.

“Pretend to be each other.” said Neil shortly, having run out of patience. He was already on edge because of his surroundings, but the way this entire group had banded together in the attempt to fool him made him deeply uneasy.

The entire group remained silent for a long, tense moment. Nicky looked startled and then ashamed, whereas Kevin appeared to be reluctantly impressed that Neil had guessed at the truth behind the twins’ identity. Andrew, the actual Andrew, pulled his mouth into a gruesome imitation of a smile. “Well,” he said, teeth on display, “Aren’t you a clever boy.”

Neil shifted on his feet, tense and uncomfortable. He pulled his duffle closer to his body, its presence a comforting weight. Andrew was unpredictable, and he didn’t like that. “It wasn’t hard,” he said truthfully, “Maybe you’re not as clever as you think.”

Nicky sucked in a sharp, surprised breath, but Andrew barely blinked. “Hm. I think things are going to get interesting around here.” It was a comment that didn’t seem to be directed at Neil in particular, so he chose to look back at the Jaegers instead.

He wondered what his mother would have thought of the sheer colossal size of them, and then regretted that line of thought instantly. He could feel phantom fingers knotted in his hair, the sharp sting in his scalp as he was forcibly dragged away from television screens broadcasting footage of old Jaeger fights. For a woman that was convinced that the return of the kaiju was inevitable, she was remarkably determined to ignore every piece of news pertaining to them. Neil remembered her grim certainty that the world would be wiped out by the kaiju in only a matter of years; he had never known his mother to be wrong, and the thought sent an ice-cold shiver down his spine. If his mother was here and could see what he was signing himself up for, the kaiju would be the least of his worries.

Animated shouting pulled Neil out his thoughts right as they start to take a rather morbid turn, and he turned to put his back to the Jaegers right as the Bay door burst open. Six foot four and covered in intimidating corded muscles, Matthew Boyd was almost instantly recognisable from both the posters littered around the Shatterdome and from Neil’s almost obsessive research. His gelled hair seemed to add at least another inch in height, and Neil couldn’t help the way that he recoiled ever so slightly when the big man’s gaze falls on him. He hoped that the movement was small enough that no one had noticed, but he could feel Andrew’s heavy gaze against the side of his face and knows that it didn’t go unmissed.

“Hey!” Matthew Boyd grinned, teeth flashing impossibly white as he bounded over with his hand sticking out. “You must be Neil, right? I’m Matt! It’s great to meet you! Would have met you sooner, but-” he cast a glance over at the cousins and narrowed his eyes, “we didn’t realise you had already arrived.”

Only Nicky had the decency to look sheepish; his cousins looked utterly unbothered. Neil didn’t pay them much attention, too preoccupied with shaking Matt’s hand. The casual physical contact feels strange to him so he drops his hand fast enough to be considered rude, although Matt didn’t seem to mind too much. His brain had already latched onto a certain part of Matt’s greeting, “We?”

It’s then that more people file into the Bay, making it apparent that Matt had rushed ahead. The familiar figure of Wymack had Neil tensing, and he kept him in his peripheral vision even as he examined the other new arrivals. Danielle Wilds is almost as instantly recognisable as Matt was - her curly hair is cropped short and gives her an almost pixie-ish appearance, but her dark gaze is as fierce as it is in the posters and short clips that they show on television. She’s the unofficial leader of the ragtag team of Jaeger pilots that make up the Foxes, and Neil couldn’t help the small pocket of respect that bubbles up in his chest; she would have to be incredibly strong-willed to keep a group like this in line, although it was clear that her influence wavered when it came to the cousins.

Standing at Danielle’s shoulder was another woman, and it took Neil a little longer to place her. Her shock of rainbow-streaked white blonde hair was a dead giveaway, however, and Neil surveyed Renee Walker suspiciously. Her expression was friendly enough but her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes and though her stance is loose Neil can recognise the minute tensing across her shoulders. He knows what concealed danger looks like, and Renee Walker sets off alarm bells in the back of his head.

“Minyard,” Wymack snapped loudly, and this time Neil buried his flinch through sheer force of will. It helped somewhat that Wymack’s anger wasn’t directed at him. “I told you to leave him alone till he met the whole crew.”

“Look at him coach!” Andrew had affected a grotesquely wide smile, reminiscent of the one that split his face involuntarily when he was medicated. His eyes remained blank though, the one sign of his lingering sobriety. “I didn’t damage him anymore than he already was when he walked in.”

Neil scowled at him. The vibrantly purple bruise that had spread across his abdomen was fading to sickly green now, and it had been _far_ from the worst mark someone had left on his body but the fact that it was Andrew Minyard that had left it was galling. He chose to say nothing, unwilling to cause too much trouble on his first day in the Shatterdome.

“Ignore Andrew,” Danielle called from the doorway. She smiled at Neil, but the look she sent to the cousins would have sent lesser men cowering. As it was, Andrew just grinned, Aaron raised an eyebrow, and Nicky couldn’t seem to meet her eyes. Kevin just looked impatient. Danielle shook her head in annoyance, “God knows the rest of us try. Why don’t you come with us, we’ll show you to your room.”

Kevin stepped forward then, his patience apparently hitting its limit. “I want to run compatibility tests.”

“No.” Danielle said at once. 

Kevin bristled at being denied, and seemed mere seconds away from ignoring his unofficial leader and dragging Neil off to do those tests anyway. The thought of being tested on had a sickly knot coiling in Neil’s stomach; he didn’t know what was involved in the compatibility tests, but if they were invasive then he was out of there.

When it looked as though Kevin was about to argue, Wymack stepped in. “Enough. Boyd will get Josten settled in and unpacked,” here he gave Neil’s ragged duffle bag a dubious glance, before turning his attention back to Kevin, “and we can run the simulations tomorrow, got it?”

Kevin was clearly not satisfied with Wymack’s final decision, but to Neil’s surprise he conceded and backed off. There was silence for only a few seconds, and then Matt clapped his hands together eagerly. Neil startled at the loud noise, though thankfully no one commented. Matt’s smile had faded only slightly as he rubbed his hands together regretfully, but he was beaming again within seconds. “Okay Neil, ready to go?”

The question didn’t seem worth answering aloud, so Neil just shouldered his duffle and shuffled over to Boyd and Wilds. He stopped just out of arm-reach of them, and then waited expectantly. As Wilds said goodbye to the Marshall, Neil stole one last glance at the Jaegers. Even with his eyes fixed upwards, he could feel the weight of two pairs of eyes upon him and he knew that his calculated stop had been noticed by both Andrew and Renee. He tried to ignore how that made him feel, and focused all his attention onto the gigantic visored head of _Vixen Fury_.

He didn’t say goodbye to the cousins when Danielle and Matthew finally lead him out of the Jaeger Bay and down the offensively orange corridors. When they reached the dormitories, he was relieved beyond words to find that the area was painted a muted beige colour that didn’t make his eyes burn.

“Pilots tend to share rooms,” Boyd was saying conversationally as they traipsed down the hall, “It helps with the drift, you know? I bunk with Dan, and Allison bunks with Seth. The Monsters all bunk together, because Andrew insisted on it,” he shrugs that particular curiosity off, as though it were completely irrelevant. Neil finds himself wondering about it even as Boyd continues talking, “Renee bunks alone, so you could room with her-”

“No.” Neil said immediately. He knew that Renee is a Jaeger pilot without a partner, which made her essentially defunct within the Shatterdome, and yet all the Foxes treated her with nothing but respect and affection as had been apparent in interviews. Yet Neil didn’t trust her, and the thought of having to share a living space with her had him ready to flee the Shatterdome altogether. He had his mother’s contacts, he would be able to organise false papers and identifications. He had been planning on heading to central America for his next false life; his father had virtually no connections there, as far as he knew. It wouldn’t be too difficult to disappear before he had the chance to really fuck up the chance at survival his mother had gifted him. She had paid for that gift with her life.

In front of him Matt was still talking, though it took a moment or too for the words to penetrate the haze of panic that had clouded Neil’s mind. “-just wasn’t sure if you were the kinda person to want the company of a roommate when you weren’t partnered with them, you know? But nah that’s fine, luckily there’s a spare room anyway!”

His pulse began to calm as his brain registered that he would not be forced to share a room with Renee, and he took a deep breath as Wilds stopped at a door at the end of the hall. She pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the door, then stepped back and waved Neil in. When he made no move to enter the room first she seemed to take it in her stride and entered ahead of him, followed immediately by Matt.

The room, when Neil entered last, was the same beige colour as the hallway. He couldn’t help the quiet wash of relief at the lack of orange, although the bedsheets covering the standard military bunkbeds pushed against the wall were a loud tangerine colour. The room itself was basic; other than the bunkbeds there was a desk and two small armchairs, and a large LED display that took up the entire wall and displayed information about potential kaiju attacks. Neil looked at the stats, eyeing the ‘ _No Current Threats_ ’ status that scrolled across the bottom of the screen and felt an anxious curling in the pit of his stomach. He looked away from it quickly, only to make eye contact with Wilds and Boyd.

“Is everything okay for you?” asked Boyd. His earnestness was admirable, but Neil couldn’t help but think it would get him killed one day. Niceness never got anybody very far. “There’s no ensuite bathrooms unfortunately, so the communal toilets and shower halls are down the corridor.”

“It’s fine.” Neil said, trying not to tense too much at the mention of communal shower halls.

“We’ll let you settle in then.” Wilds smiled at him, and it seemed genuine. Neil offered her a small smile back, though it was a tremulous one and was certainly nowhere near as brilliant as Boyd’s beam.

When they had left, Neil planted himself facedown on the bottom bunk. He had been eager to be left alone earlier, but now that he was by himself the weight of the day hit him hard. “Fuck.” he whispered.

The shape of the word in his mouth helped his breaths come easier, so he said up and said it louder. “Fuck!” A deep breath, and then his mouth was curling around each letter. “ _Fuck_!”

There was no point in panicking yet, he told himself firmly. He had always known he would die young. Whether it was by his father’s blade or in the cockpit of a Jaeger, it didn’t matter much.  
But as he sat in a dorm that was designed so obviously for a pair, he felt his mother’s absence more keenly than he had in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been so long,,,,, i'm a disgrace ,,,,  
> if u wish to come yell at me, find me @ [ andrewminyarid.tumblr.com](https://andrewminyarid.tumblr.com)!


End file.
